I really don’t know what it is that’s so complicated about turning right onto a road using a merge lane. I think every right turn should be a merge lane. It’s the least disruptive method of cars joining traffic – or it should be.

The concept is sound: turn 90 degrees from the direction you were going in a gentle way that encourages you to maintain a higher turning speed and when you’ve made the change of direction, you now have a decent amount of unobstructed space for you to accelerate further, matching the speed of the traffic you wish to join, thus allowing you to easily and with little disruption, merge right into it and continue on your way.

What most people end up doing: slowing down like it’s a normal corner and then creeping out into the merge lane and then fully stopping just out of sight of anyone that’s also making the turn behind them.  What they’re really doing is daring the next car behind them to fuck them up the ass with the front of their vehicle. I think we can all agree that the outcome will not be sexy.

What’s wrong with these people? How are they not already dead or in the hospital with broken necks or backs, cars totaled or at least bearing the signs of the many times they’ve been rear-ended due to driving like a complete imbecile?

I don’t know, but I take great delight in laying on the rather loud horn in my car the moment I see them even slowing down until a few seconds after they’ve joined traffic. That can sometimes account for 30 to 40 seconds of continuous horn blasting. It’s quite effective most of the time. For those that are too stupid to realize that they’re even in a merge lane and that they’re going against all logic, despite the blasting of the horn, I just pass them on the right side of the one-lane merge lane and accelerate and then smoothly merge into traffic. This is usually done in unison with the raising of my finger in salute to their complete embracing of all things moronic.

I’m pretty sure it’s these same people that also, once they’ve endured the 3-5 minute wait for the traffic to break and join it, pull all the way over to the left lane (that’s the fast lane – just an FYI) and then go 1.7 mph under the speed limit and never, ever under any circumstances, leave that lane.  Is that not taught any more when studying to get your license? The left lane is the fast lane. The right lane is for normal traffic. You should only ever be in the left lane if you’re passing people from the right lane or if you’re getting ready to turn left or if you’re going faster than a long line of cars in the right lane.

Look, do everyone a favor. If you, or if someone you know, is one of those drivers, learn the rules of driving and get the hell out of the left lane or encourage that person to do so. Period. Stop messing up the driving experience of everyone else. And for your own sake, DON’T SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU’RE MERGING. SPEED UP!